Saturday, February 2, 2008

You know you are driving in India

Recently got a mail about driving habits in India.

You know you are driving in India if ...

  1. People in cars think they are conserving their battery by not using the turn signals.
  2. The side-view mirrors always remain folded in, lest they come in the way of the car's aerodynamics.
  3. The cellophane/plastic covers on seats and headrests remain in place even after the car is a year old.
  4. The right of way belongs to the bigger vehicle.
  5. Pedestrians are unnecessary objects on the roads that need to be honked out of existence, if possible.
  6. The slowest moving tractor is invariably be on the fast lane.
  7. The truck in front of you has both the driver and the cleaner waving their hands out of the right and left window at the same time.
  8. The "L" sign adorns vehicles that are speeding past you.
  9. The traffic light at a junction is showing red, amber and green at the same time.
  10. The bus driver wanting to take a right turn at a traffic junction moves to the extreme left lane, picks up a passenger and cuts directly in front of all the right lanes to take his right turn.
  11. Your first new car scratch "happens" within 30 minutes or 100 metres of driving out of the showroom, whichever is less; first new car dent within 10 days or 1000 km, whichever is less.
  12. You have an accident while driving at less than 20 km/hour or less (you are lucky if you can get up to triple that speed these days!)
  13. Every fifth car you pass has a saree pallu or dupatta peeking out the bottom of the passenger side door.
  14. The number of milk cans on any given Royal Enfield motorcycle is an even number greater than 5.
  15. You have an accident and ask the truck driver to produce his license and he tells you casually that it was confiscated by the police some 20 years back near Jhumri talaiya.
  16. For every bull you see standing on the road right in front of you, there are five cows approaching you from either left or right. And the cow dung under your car is really bull shit!
  17. The five trucks you overtake on a given road have the following five messages on their backside - "HORUN PLASE", "HURN PLEESE", "HOUR PLISS", "HARN PLECE" and "HORNY PLACE".
  18. The bus in front of you is listing heavily to the left (the door side) and a whole family is hanging on to the door by one hand.
  19. The number of passengers in a car is indirectly proportional to the size of the car - a Merc or a BMW will have a lone occupant, a Maruti 800 a family of 10 plus the neighbours.
  20. The lane divider is seen as something you use to guide yourself while driving on the wrong side of the road.
  21. The speed breaker height is universally one and a half times the ground clearance of your vehicle. The only exception is if you are behind the wheel of a Tata truck.
  22. The road on either side of a railway crossing is fully occupied by vehicles of 17 types, with each one pointed directly at another one on the other side of the railway crossing.
  23. The average distance between vehicles going one way is a safe 2.345 cm and the same statistic for vehicles going in opposite directions is a highly conservative 3.987 cm.
  24. The headlights of every vehicle are defaulted to the high beam mode, since this is a clear sign of manliness and machismo. If a vehicle is not able to drive with its high beams on, it has no rights to unhindered driving on the road.
  25. The road may have a length, but no fixed width. Every road is a many-shouldered thing - you drive on the road, but when you can't, you drive on the shoulder; when you can't on the shoulder, there is the shoulder's shoulder, and so on. It is only after you have scraped the wall of the house on the edge of the road that you start considering the remote possibility of slowing down and nosing your way back towards the centre. Of course, real men don't do this - they just take the wall along with them.

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